transgenderteensurvivalguide:

Eden Says:

This is a tough thing to answer. It changes for everyone, which is why this group post thing is happening. It can be hard to pin down what gender /feels like/ even for one person, though. For me, when I try to focus on what my gender feels like, I basically get a little sparkle in my chest, if that makes sense. On days when I’m especially confident, the sparkle can be a whole cluster of sparkles, like a sky full of pink stars, but on days when I’m really dysphoric and stuff, it feels like one really small, really weak star. 

Jay says:

For me, gender has always felt like being taken seriously. All my life I’ve been trying to get people to take me seriously as a boy – as a child, this meant masculinity. But I was still treated as a girl. Coming out, expressing myself as me, that has got me taken seriously as a boy. My gender is very much about being free to express and control my being – freedom to be male. It’s about becoming a better me – I sleep better now, I go to the gym regularly and eat healthy now, I’m more confident and outgoing. All those things are because of my transition. My gender has let me focus more on the rest of me.

Ren says:

For me, gender is the way I want to be seen by others and by myself. It guides the way I interact with other people and one of many filters I use to process information and understand how it affects me and others. I like being able to manipulate my gender expression depending on how I feel, and I especially like confusing people! I think it’s also important to mention that my gender includes more than just masculinity / femininity / neutrality: my gender is not just neutral and girlproximal and fluid, it’s also racial (White), ethnic (Slavic), national (American), classed (low middle), disabled, mentally ill, autistic, fat, belonging to a survivor… Everything that I am, I feel in the way I interact with others and the way they interact with me, and that all processes as a part of my gender.

Devon says:

My gender feels kinda fuzzy. For a while I identified as genderfuzz– “having multiple genders that are blurred together, making each one indistinguishable from the others”–  and that definition might still hold true for my gender. I’m not sure right now. My gender still feels fuzzy, like it’s behind something, so I can’t see it. I think I still have this idea that my gender is connected to my body, as a result of internalized transphobia. So I guess I kinda feel my gender in my hips and my chest and my facial features and my (head)hair. Overall, my gender feels fluctuate a lot and aren’t consistent at all.

Edit: Devon says:

Update about a year later! I still relate to most of what I wrote before, but now I identify as genderfluid. Most of the time I’m unsure what my gender is, and just feel most comfortable with “nonbinary” but occasionally I feel like my gender is more feminine or masculine. On feminine days I usually feel more comfortable in my “girls” clothes and on masculine days I usually feel more comfortable in my “boys” clothes. My level of dysphoria doesn’t depend on whether I’m having a feminine or masculine day, I still sometimes feel very dysphoric on a feminine day even though I’m AFAB. In the past I have felt like a boy or a girl for a day or two, but I haven’t felt that way in a couple years I think. On masculine days I’m still uncomfortable being called a boy and on feminine days I’m still uncomfortable being called a girl.

Charlie says:

My sense of gender is highly clouded, but I mainly feel it in my chest. Being transgender is not contingent upon dysphoria, however for me I feel as if they are highly connected.  I’ve found it rooted in my inclusion and little social cues others use towards me.  I think very abstractly and for me, it looks like colored smoke.  It almost feels like I’m ‘anchored’ temporarily to an unspecified location for however long my gender is in that place.

Lee says:

I came to find my gender because of what I am not. I don’t feel comfortable as either a boy or a girl, and I feel like my gender is outside that, looking in. I feel like a third gender, a kind of neutral one that incorporates parts of masculinity and femininity but is not male or female. I knew I was genderqueer as soon as I heard the label, and I’ve never really had any doubt or uncertainty about it, it’s always felt right to me. I am outside of the binary, and that’s where I fit in. I feel social dysphoria mainly when I am gendered by others, especially when people think I’m a girl, because they are trying to shove me back into the box I’ve escaped from, and I’m not willing to go back. I have always been more comfortable passing as a boy since I was a kid, mainly because at least I’m not being seen as a girl when people around me try to insist that I am. I’d much rather be recognized as non-binary and genderqueer though, and I want to look so androgynous I confuse strangers on the street. I’ve been uncomfortable with having a chest since 5th grade when I would take off the bras my mom would make me wear to school and hide them in my locker, but I feel like half of my physical dysphoria comes from the fact that having a chest makes others see me as a girl, and partly because it just doesn’t seem like a part of me that should be there. I’m genderqueer because I am not a boy or girl, but it isn’t just the absence of those genders, it’s not a void, it’s just something else.

Kai says:

My gender, it’s hard to describe what it feels like. I definitely get a feeling in my chest when I get “good gender feels” like when I cut my own hair or wear some masculine clothing. It has a lot to do with my presentation, and how I fit into the world. I also knew I wasn’t a girl so it just felt wrong to be referred to as such and I’m not a binary boy, so when people asked if I “identified as male” that didn’t feel right either. Knowing I’m a nonbinary boy makes sense and feels right to me.

What the actual FUCK